March 2012
It’s like, this furious fucking crimson that won’t ever leave. No, it’s another eternal haunting, threatening for the rest of my life to push me over. To send me careening over the edge of the cliff that I so precariously balanced myself on for almost 18 years. A massive “fuck you” towards everyone I ever loved, everyone I ever will love, and oh god, don’t...
I invested so much fucking hope in you.
Sometimes it feels like you just enjoy fucking with my head. Why do I fucking love you? All you’re doing is hurting me right now. I let you. I let you lead me on an make me think that I stand a chance. I shouldn’t. I should stop this. I know that I need to, but I won’t. God, what the serious fuck is wrong with me? Just go ahead and keep tearing me apart.
I keep telling you all of these things that I wish for, but I never tell you that I wish I was the one you cared about. That I wish you loved me back. I wish that you thought about me. I wish I could be the person who was gonna make you happy, and make you smile. But wishes don’t fucking come true.
It’s not like I’m just gonna tell you that I’m insanely jealous of him. You’ll just brush me off and act like I never said it. Just pretend nothing ever happened, right?
You know that I love you, right? Okay, well then you should know that I’d do almost anything to see you smiling and happy. Don’t forget it. I don’t make you happy, so don’t sell yourself short to try and make me happy. I’ll understand, because you should get to be happy, and even though I can’t do that for you, someone else can. I’ll be happy for you. And...
